Pre-Marital Counseling

Why do couples decide to do pre-marital counseling?

Pre-marital counseling is a helpful way to prepare you and your partner for marriage. Because most of us aren’t taught about marriage, communication skills, navigating conflict, and what to expect in marriage, pre-marital counseling can serve as a way to learn more about how to have a healthy relationship and address important topics such as finances, life goals, beliefs, roles, children, etc. Pre-marital counseling offers an opportunity to get a baseline assessment of your relationship as it is today, which can also clarify areas of strength and the most important areas for you and your partner to focus on as you move into lifelong commitment. Since marriage is lifelong, pre-marital counseling sets a precedent in your relationship that you are both interested in always seeking to improve your connection over the long term.

Isn’t pre-marital counseling something you do in Church?

Yes, in some contexts it can be, but not always! I utilize a research-based method of couples counseling called Gottman Method, which focuses most on HOW you communicate and connect. You’ll learn and try on actual communication skills and new ways of working together to discuss all of the important issues that arise in marriage. That way, you have a toolbox at the ready that can be used on any and all topics that come up as you continue to navigate your marriage. Through pre-marital counseling, you’ll have a chance to talk about key topics like children, finances, etc. Most importantly, you’ll also learn HOW to talk about these things in a way that has you both feeling secure, heard, loved, and considered. In their 40+ years of research, the Gottmans have found that there are 4 key markers in a couples’ communication style that predict divorce with over 90% accuracy! And, that most couples get divorced due to a gradual growing apart and losing interest, not because of explosive fights. With the divorce rate at over 50%, now it’s more important than ever to take care of your relationship and put in intentional effort to make sure it thrives!

What can we expect a typical Pre-Marital Counseling session to include?

You can expect that we’ll spend some time in each session on Education, Self-Awareness, and Application of Skills. The most crucial skill in your relationship is actually your ability to self-reflect, self-soothe when starting to feel intense emotions,

What is the process of Pre-Marital Counseling like?

We’ll begin with a free consultation. We’ll all hop on a call or a tele-conference and discuss what your goals are, you can ask me any questions you have, and we can discuss logistics. If it feels like a good fit to move forward, we’ll schedule your first few sessions. You’ll take a comprehensive marriage assessment so we know exactly what to focus on in your sessions to set you up for a successful marriage. Typically, we’ll start with 5 x 90-minute sessions about every-other week and reassess after that. Some topics you’ll explore are communication, conflict styles, family planning, roles in the relationship, differences between you, strengths of your relationship, parenting, attachment styles, life goals and dreams, self-reflection, how to self-soothe through life challenges, and more.

How many sessions in Pre-Marital Counseling?

Pre-marital counseling doesn’t have a specific set number of sessions, and every couple is different depending on their goals and what they’d like to work on. I suggest that you look at pre-marital counseling kind of like setting up a relationship with a doctor. Once you have that relationship and rapport established, you’re much more likely to reach out when bumps and challenges present themselves in the future. If you set up a relationship with a relationship counselor now through pre-marital counseling, you’ll be so much more likely to reach out after the wedding as needed. For pre-marital counseling itself, I typically recommend we do at least 10 sessions.

Can we do Pre-Marital Counseling if we’re not engaged?

Absolutely! Many couples use pre-marital counseling as a helpful step toward getting engaged or determining if they want to take that next step in commitment at this time. Marriage is a huge decision, and it brings up different emotions and concerns for everyone. Pre-marital counseling is a great place to explore any hesitations, fears, or longings you have about marriage and to address them before getting engaged.

What sets Rachael apart from other Pre-Marital Counselors?

Rachael has a unique expertise both in the verbal aspects of relationship as well as the deeper, non-verbal aspects of connection and relational dynamics. Through her education and studies of Dance Movement Therapy, Rachael has learned how to support couples in deepening their connection and exploring areas of conflict/challenge without even saying a word! You know when your partner gives you “that look” and it sets off a cascade of emotions and thoughts in your mind and body? Or maybe you’ve experienced wishing for more physical connection and touch but you’re not sure how to create the mood and dynamic for romance? Most of this is non-verbal and has more to do with your body language, nervous system regulation skills, and presence/attunement than any of the words you say. Let’s take your pre-marital counseling a step deeper into the realm of non-verbal connection!

Why does Rachael offer Pre-Marital Counseling?

Rachael is very passionate about pre-marital counseling because she has seen couples struggle at every point of marriage, including the first years. Did you know that 22% of marriages end in divorce in the first 5 years of marriage? That’s a little more than 1 in 5. Research also says that marriage can be one of the greatest contributors to healthy and longevity (or earlier death and health issues) if we have a strong and successful relationship. My goal in my work is to help reduce the suffering of our world, and helping people establish healthy relationships is one of my greatest passions in service of that mission.